I plan on talking more about individuation, enmeshment, and disengagement as well as the role anxiety plays in these relational dynamics in a later post, but for now I want to focus on what I have found to be one of the most helpful of Bowen’s concepts: triangles.
Bowen’s concept of triangles is a relational idea for understanding how individuals respond under pressure…or moments of anxiety. I am going to use a fairly benign and common situation to illustrate how triangles work.
Simple parenting? I said SIMPLE...not easy. These are two simple, direct steps to help you navigate your younger or older child's big emotions and reactions. These steps are easier said that done, but totally doable for you with some ongoing, intentional work.
David Schnarch, renowned relationship therapist, says: “When we can’t control (or parent) ourselves we try to control (parent) others.” We are all on a journey in learning how to self-soothe. It is an ongoing journey. Self-soothing does not mean we don’t need another person. On the contrary, when we have the ability to self-soothe we are in a better position to call on the support of others AND be that support for them.